Four rehashed Royal blind items

Photo credit: Gawker.com

1. Blind Vice: Special Royal Scandal Edition! (first published April 2011)
As fabulous as our Royal Name Generator may be, let's face it: We debauched Americans at the Awful Truth were dressing up salacious celebs with our Blind Vice Superstars (and lesser Vice mortals) ages ago. And not to rain on William and Kate's happy day, but we simply cannot leave out the Vice-lovin' Brits!

The very shady HRH the Duke of Schlongsbury is like millionth in line to the British throne, but, babes, the law-breaking stud is legally entitled to rule the country, should it come to that. Which is why members of Parliament are super nervous.

Hmmm. What's the handsome duke's crime?

You know how often Queen Elizabeth II purses her lips or changes hats? Triple that figure and you've got the number of times Duke Schlongsbury beds underage girls.

And the very good-looking heir pays these women, on top of it—adding even more law-breaking badassness to his royal résumé!

Queen Liz knows all about it. So, too, do most of the country's elite, who are positively dead-set on gossiping about these things, but rarely doing anything about it.

Only this time, certain members of Parliament feel they're legally bound to try and stop the throne-line naughtiness. And the duke, who's quite used to getting whatever his horny heart desires, is royally pissed.

Hey, not nearly as peeved as Schlongbury's line-up of lovelies! Not only does he pay them extravagantly, he's got the biggest set of family jewels in all of England!

And we're not talking diamonds.

AND IT AIN'T: Viscount Linley (Princess Margaret's son), Peter Phillips (Princess Anne's son) or Prince Michael (Princess Michael of Kent's husband).

Source: Ted Casablanca's "The Awful Truth"

2. Blind Vice: No Taming This Royally Horny Slut! (first published July 2011)
There's something about living a fairy-tale life that just dares you to screw it up—or so one would think watching Lord Tripp Unzipped and all his dalliances. Despite having many high-profile affairs, Tripp has never seemed able to find the right looker to settle down with, that is, until he met the gorgeous Lady Unzipped.

And my, how the world ate it up, watching Lord and his pretty partner in marriage settle down—with lots and lots of future poshly positioned heirs to look forward to.

Right?

No. Quite wrong, in fact. The only thing that's really a stunner here is that Tripp's spouse went along with the matrimonial plan—even though this now incredibly rich partner (like many an Unzipped-friendly source) knows full well that not only does Lord U fool around, he's not exactly picky about who he gets into bed with, male or female.

And anybody who's anybody within this royal set is taking bets on (a) how long it'll be before Unzipped eventually chooses a less than discreet conquest romance, (b) when that will get out to the press and (c) just when (not if, but, when) is Lady Unzipped going to run screaming to anybody—and any publisher—who will listen about what a damn cheating, sloppy schmuck this Unzipped dude really is.

Impressive title be damned.

It Ain't: Elton John, Prince Edward, Sean Connery


Source: Ted Casablanca's "The Awful Truth"

3. New York Post's Page Six gossip column (first published January 2012)
What member of a foreign royal family was caught inhaling disco dust in a nightclub bathroom during a recent sporting event?

Source: New York Post

4. New York Post's Page Six gossip column (first published January 2008)
WHICH gorgeous daughter of a foreign-born billionaire had a fling last year with Prince William? While their families don't get along, and she could never marry the future King of England, the hookup between their clans was not unprecedented.

Source: New York Post